Sunday, January 10, 2010

P/S 3 : highs and lows

4th day of working
I started to adapt and mix well
2nd time of packing food with you
again I was few steps behind you
I still dare not look into your backview directly
but I peeped more this time
and now
I only realised that
my subconscious intention is just to be your guardian
that day was a rainy day
but a colourful rainbow appeared after the rain
it cheered me
everytime you appeared in front of me
I couldn't hold back
I just cant stop taking my eyes of you
I wonder
when can I end this uncertainty
that lies within my soul.



P/S : Highs and Lows.
: I sit next to you when we go for movie after work.
: I found out that you're not single.



jotted on 8-1-2025

P/S 2 : I drew you

the time
when I was just few steps behind you
everything seems unreal
I dare not look directly and just face down
because I really afraid
that I can't stop taking my eyes
of your backview
worrying that you might suddenly turn around
everytime when I closed my eyes
the backview of yours
became incredibly clear
just so weird
just so magical
I said it once
Thank You God
for giving me another chance
to meet another angel of my life
perhaps the most unforgettable one.

P/S : I drew you. I added you in Friendbook

texted on 7-1-2025

P/S 1 : until I met you

I became an assistant teacher in a tuition centre
A job which I, myself never try before
It's fresh for me and feel a lil' excited
I thought
it's a new kick start
a brand new environment and situation for me
to forget things that I don't wanna remember
I promise myself
that I would never touch L.O.V.E again



P/S : until I met you.



texted on 3-1-2025

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

叹

一、我要的不是这样,你,到底明白吗?


那一夜,我们俩,坐在花园里长长的旧木凳。我们,不再像以前那样,不再看见彼此就会自然地甜甜笑起来,心,也不再为对方而跳动。我们,只能是普通朋友,尴尬地问候罢了。连眼神也不再奢侈的与对方交换。

“我…” 我们俩都异口同声,仿佛有很多很多很想告诉对方的事,却不知怎么开口是好。

“不如你先说吧,lady first…” 身为男生的我,当然,应该绅士点,让给女生先说。

她的眼神,不再是个快乐的,而表情也似乎很忧郁。她停顿了,刹那间,眼眶湿了。我听见她的抽泣,便赶紧拿出纸巾来,送往她面前。她接着那个纸巾,轻轻的往眼眶压了压,把那伤心的泪珠都吸在纸巾里。

“文…” 她叫起了我的名字。

“啊?” 我回应了她。

“我们…不要再执着下去了,好吗?” 我在半清醒状态,听见她说的这番话。

“谢谢你对我一直以来的照顾,我会好好珍惜,储存在心里最隐私,却最容易让我回忆的一个角落。” 她说道。

听完她所说的那一番话,我给了她一个很勉强的笑容。

我送她回家以后,我自己一个人,一路开这车,没方向地环绕着城市。凌晨3点钟,后视镜的反射,只是被路灯一盏盏地照亮、一条无际无边的马路。月亮也不再炫耀它借由太阳反射的光,随着我那沉重的心情,躲到乌云里了。我的头靠着放在车镜边的右拳头,只靠着我的左手在操作驾驶盘。突然,视线变得模糊,眼泪一颗一颗地往脸颊滑落…

“我要的不是这样,你,到底明白吗?”

Friday, November 28, 2008

"Merry Christmas, Lynn!"

"I like when you are wearing white T-shirts!"

"What makes you think that white suits me more?" I asked.

"Because... It's also my favourite colour! Haha...ha..." Suddenly, she lost her smiles.

"Jazz, I really love snow, and I hope I could celebrate Christmas with falling snow. But, I'm not sure whether I have the opportunity to witness the natural phenomena."

"Why not? I promise I will earn more money and bring you to country where there's lots and lots of snow falling from the sky, deal?"

* * * * * *

"Ello, Jazz, this is my cousin, Lynn. Lynn, this is Jazz..."

"Owh, hi! Nice to meet you."

That was actually a date between a friend of mine and her girl. Somehow, I was dragged into that situation. So do the girl's cousin. We both looked so stupid at that moment.

"Okay, let's enter the cinema! Movie is gonna start soon." I say.

Lynn sit beside me. But I don't really pay attention on her, in fact, my focus was on that particular movie.

"Err... Jazz right?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Can you accompany me and go out for a walk? It's kinda boring here. The couple is..."

"Oh, haha, how could I say no, right?"

We left the cinema, and of course, we left the couple in the cinema. That was our first meet. She walked beside me, I could hardly forget the mole on her right cheek. She's ... pretty! Just like an angel. I thought.

"Do you feel hungry? " I asked.

"Erm, kinda. Haha..." She replied.

"Let's go to the coffee shop, okay?"

"Okay."

We walked to the nearest coffee shop. I ordered a cup of cappuccino. She looked at me, with smiling face.

"I guess, you really love coffee, right?" Suddenly, she asked me.

"Har?" I couldn't really respond in that manner of time.

"Just a wild guess..." She quickly add-in.

"Err... Sorry I was getting a lil' shocked of how you know my favourite."

She smile again. A really really pure sweet one. After the movie finished, we met up with the couple. I suggested to my friend that we should buy something for girls. So we decided to pay a visit to gift shop and we bought some items. That day ended in just a blink of eyes.

Since then, I managed to get her mobile number. We often chatted via sms or msn.

"Hey, if I plan to go to beach with you, are you okay with that?" I sms-ed her.

"I'm not sure about that, I've to get my parent's permission first."

"Okay!" She replied after a couple of minutes.

"Err, my parent say it's okay! So, I'm going!"

* * * * * *

"Ahh, how rejuvenating the sea breeze is!" I said.

"Indeed! Haha... Beach! Here I come!" She shouted happily. I put my hand on her head, touched her silky hair. She is really cute...
We had a lot of fun moments there. We scuba-dived. We built sand castle. I splashed sea water on her. She take a little 'revenge' on me too.

"Time really flies. It's going to be evening now." I said.

"Yeah, fun moments always pass faster." She said.

"Wow, the sunset, such scene would definitely touch a girl's heart." She said again after few minutes of silence.

"Oh really? Meaning you're touched now?" I asked purposely.

"Don't know. You guess! Blek!" She showed her tongue.
She kept her smile few seconds later, it seemed like she was in love with the scene. That day, was the first day I hold her hand. The feeling, the rush of blood all over my nerves.

"I like when you are wearing white T-shirts!"

"What makes you think that white suits me more?" I asked.

"Because... It's also my favourite colour! Haha... ha..." Suddenly, she lost her smiles.

"Jazz, I really love snow, and I hope I could celebrate Christmas with falling snow. But, I'm not sure whether I have the opportunity to witness the natural phenomena."

"Why not? I promise I will earn more money and bring you to country where there's lots and lots of snow falling from the sky, deal?"

I could see her eyes were wet. We made a deal, or rather a purely little promise between lovers. at that night where stars twink more than urban sky.

* * * * * *

One ridiculous day which fell on 1st of April, I received a news that she got leukemia. I thought it was a joke. I stunned. My vision gets blurrier. I suddenly remember that she said to me that night. My fragile heart crushed. So this is fate?

"Jazz, I'm Lynn here. I guess you've found out the truth. But, don't you worry. I'm FINE here... Okay?"

" ... "

"Hmm.. That's all I wanna tell you, Bye!"
She hung up the call. I couldn't believe what she just told me and ran to her house, hoping for her to come out. Yet, she didn't show up.

Every day and night, I waited her, in front of her house. At last, the door is opened. Without any hesitation, I rushed into her house.

"So, you are Jazz?" Her parent ask.

"Yes I am, Uncle, Aunty."

"Okay, here's what our plan. We are going to send Lynn to England for a medical treatment. In fact, we bought your flight ticket, too. We hope that you could help us take care of Lynn girl."

My tears fell. I felt so much appreciation and millions of speechless. Few weeks later, we left to England.

* * * * * *

"Who is Lynn's family or any relatives here?" The doctor asked.

"I am! I am her ... friend."

"I'm sorry, I need the signature of her parent or relative. It's a letter of permission to start a surgery. I afraid you don't have the authority to sign, young man."

"I'm the only person that is close to her now. Doc, please."

"We have to contact her parent at first place."

I looked at her. The pale face. A very weak body, is resting in the ward. Suddenly she opened her eyes. She show a smile at me.

"Jazz... I hope you could bring me to a place. I have to see with my eyes. The snow out there."

"But, it's not winter now. We can't be seeing any snow now. Lynn..."

"Owh... I wish I could... live longer..."

At that moment, I felt so helpless. Helpless to her sickness, helpless to her wish, helpless to fate, helpless to God's will.

* * * * * *

Two months later, she left me alone in this world.

The adorable smile, the irreplaceable scent of her hair, the mole on her right cheek, the unforgettable voice. Everything disappeared.

"It has started to snow, finally. Did you see that, Lynn? It's... snowing..." I couldn't stop crying. I hold her tightly with my warm body.

A hard fact and a breathless body...








"Merry Christmas, Lynn!"

Sunday, November 23, 2008

蓝色小插曲 The Blue Chords

Ah, I'm so full right now! What a delicious pizza, I thought! Just when I was about to walk out from the restaurant, I saw the guy. A mentally disordered man that always roam around the town with bare feet and some really torn cloths, passed by.

******

"Tell you a secret, wanna listen?"

"Yeah, faster tell la, I'm getting excited here!"

"Oh no, I hope you gotta be prepared. Because... The guy sit behind you, is... a little..."
I show her with my hand pointing beside my head which means ( cookoo! ). She jumped up from her seat at the instant like Tigger in cartoon Winnie The Pooh. What I did? I laughed at her, she blushed and kinda like hitting me with her little hand.

"You are bad! You knew it since I started sitting there, right?!"

"Erm... Yeah... Haha..."

******

"Hey, who you staring at?"

"Uh? Nothing..."

I missed that day, a day which dramatic played its full role on it. A day that I would certainly shout "What A Day!". I opened my umbrella, leaving the Itallian restaurant behind, in the middle of mist floating around the air of Route 16.

Monday, November 17, 2008

日记里的她

仰望着那蓝蓝的天空,一朵朵形形色色的云朵,在那海滩上奔驰,一阵阵微风一直迎面而吹,那随着风飘逸的头发,和那再也看不见的背影…

“素惠啊!我们就求你,别再让基成伤心了啦!求求你啊!”

又到了素惠的祭日,我的兄弟们,都和我一起哀悼素惠的离开……

******

“听说班上来了一位新女同学哦…” 朋友们都在讨论着。

“基成,你不期待吗?”

“还好啦。”

“怎么可以这么说呢?除非你不正常…”

突然间…

“来了来了,她来了!”

所有的男同学都涌着过去,害得班上的女同学都吃起醋来。我把我手上的书稍微放下来,偷瞄了她一眼,看见她那副不知所措的样子,还真的蛮可怜的。

******

自从她转学来,已有一年了,大家开始混在一起,便成了好朋友。她可不是普通人物哦,他有个律师爸爸,医生妈妈。有时候,她会要求我送她回家,毫不犹豫的我,便成了她的司机。骑着破旧的脚踏车,沿着海边的一条小道,迎着海风,一步步地朝她家踩去。

“素惠,告诉你一个秘密…”

“什么吗,搞神秘…”

“你…很重耶!”

“你…什么意思?我很胖吗?坏蛋!该打!” 她跳下车,往我的手臂一直打。

“哈哈…好啦好啦,开玩笑啦!”

“今天的夕阳好美哦!好久没好好地欣赏夕阳了!” 她突然感性起来。我发现她有双真的会发电的眼睛,长长的眼睫毛。

“喂,你发什么呆啊?头脑想些什么啊?”

“啊,没什么…只是很单纯地放空而已啦!”被她这么一问,我回神,害羞了起来,吞吞吐吐地回答。

“你很走运哦,有本小姐陪你看夕阳,哈哈…哈…” 她突然流泪了,投入我怀里哭泣,我不知所措,也不想问太多,右手,轻轻的在她头上抚摸,安慰她。

“基成啊!”

“啊?”

“基成啊!”

“啊?”

“不管我叫你多少次,你都会这样回答我吗?”

“啊…”

******

“素惠已经好几天没来上课了,到底发生了什么事?” 同学们开始担心起来。

“基成,你不知道素惠她去了哪儿吗?” 我摇了摇头。

每天放学都往她家去,却只能望着那豪华的别墅。我试着用哔哔机留言,她却完完全全地如人间蒸发般消失。

哔哔…
是素惠!她终于回复了。

“基成王子,素惠公主被病魔攻击了,快来救救我吧!”

我赶紧骑着脚踏车,往附近的医院去。

“不好意思,护士小姐,请问有没有一位叫庄素惠的病人注册在这个医院里?”

“请稍等……她就在B-1-14病房里。”

“谢谢!”

“不客气”

我不管三七二十一,加快脚步,寻觅着那个病房。

“就是这间了。” 我想。

通过门的小窗窗,看着素惠,感觉如此地遥远,我终于崩溃了。蹲在病房门边的我,脑袋真的好像放映机,许多画面出现在我脑海。可我没察觉,他的爸爸,竟然站在我面前。还记得他是这么对我说的。

“你就是经常送我们素惠回家的那位男同学吧。”

我傻了眼,心想说为什么伯父会晓得。

“素惠这孩子,她真的很漂亮,很像她妈妈,尤其是那双眼睛,有时候,身为老爸的我,也真得替她感到骄傲。她就像我们的女神,可惜,可惜这一切都不长久,其实啊,我把素惠给转来你们的学校,是为了接受治疗,两年前,她不幸得了血癌,这间医院可是我老婆开的。”

我的心就像被一颗重重的石头给打击,痛彻心扉…

“伯父,恕晚辈冒昧,我未曾见过伯母……”

“哦,素惠的妈妈,早在五年前,因为一场车祸……老天爷从我身边带走她…” 伯父眼眶红了。

“没关系,伯父还可以,你就进去看看素惠吧。”

我慢慢地起身,往病房里去,心头里的痛不禁涌上来。

“你来啦,王子终于来救公主啦!” 她很坚强地微笑,为了不把气氛搞僵,还带了小幽默。

“傻瓜王子!为什么你哭呢?公主不是好好的吗?”

“我,才没哭叻!”

“其实,自从我进来到这里,我就有一个小愿望。”

“就是啊,我好想再看多一次日落。”

“可是,你的身体…”

“难道公主的最后一个愿望,都不能被实现吗?” 他那淡淡红的嘴嘟了起来。

我微笑了,手抚摸她的头。

******

“这里的夕阳,真的很让人迷恋,很不舍的离开,可是我时间不多了。要好好看看这日落才行!”

“对了,我有本日记,里面都记载了好多好多东西哦。就在我的背包里,你要答应我,只能在我离开才可以打开哦,而且只能一天看一页哦…”

“不,你不会离开的。”

她靠在我怀里,我们牵着小手,坐在海滩上。不久,她的手,松开了… 她走了…

“素惠… 素惠… ……” 我紧紧地抱着那已经没有气息的她……

******

素惠的离开,已经是五年前的事了。翻着她的日记,一天一页,仿佛感觉她还在我身边,我释怀了……




“基成啊!”

“啊?”

“基成啊!”

“啊?”

“不管我叫你多少次,你都会这样回答我吗?”

“啊…”